Thursday, October 22, 2015


I haven't been writing lately.  Not sure why.  I could easily blame it on being busy with the kids back in school and working a lot and on and on.  However, when I really need/want to write I always make the time.  At night after the kids go to bed, a spare hour in the afternoon before I pick them up.  I'm trying to figure out if it's because I don't want to or I'm just at a loss as to what to say.  I may never know why, but I do know today I have the whole day free.  With that I decided I need to make myself sit down and write.  See what comes out.  Usually when I do this I don't do it in this space.  But, if I don't do it here then what's the point of still having the blog?  If I just want to journal I can do that.  This is a space for memories and a creative outlet.  I need to see if I still want it to be that for me.  So, here we go.  

Sometimes when I have no place to begin I like to make a list.  It organizes my thoughts and then suddenly things flow.  Today it will be things I'm feeling happy about.  In this moment.

Last night Matt and I got the opportunity to go to a yoga class together.  It's something we both enjoy separately and once in a while we get to enjoy it together.  It's funny, during a class it's not like we get to hang out or talk.  However, there is something about having his energy there that makes me very happy.  After we both had the chill, zen feeling you get after a class so we continued our date night to a wine bar for some dessert.  It wasn't this big fancy evening out, but it was perfect just the way it was.  For a bonus, I went to a class this morning.  Yoga makes me very happy.  

Cousin time. 
Last week my sister was here for a few days.  That meant we got the gang back together. As a big family we don't get together very often.  Everyone busy in their own lives with thier little families so when the opportunity arose to hang out we all took advantage.  Spending the warm afternoons watching the kiddos play and the evenings having family dinners.  It was so very nice to see how happy this makes the girls and reminds me that it's all about quality of time together as a family, not quantity.

Oh my goodness has it been lovely this October.  Warm, sunny days and glorious colors all over.  Never one to be crazy about this season, this year I seem to have gotten a bit of a crush on fall.  Perhaps because there have been a couple 80-degree day tossed feels like summer getting stretched out.  I totally dig that.  We've been trying to take advantage by going to our favorite park where mature trees can be found making piles of leaves easy to make and jump in...

We brought a picnic, a blanket and a couple books.  All afternoon was spent watching the girls make piles, jump in and repeat.  Lazily reading books and watching everyone else strolling through the park looking equally thrilled to be outside on such a beautiful Saturday.  Feeling lucky to be a part of it.  

Other days seeking out the best hikes and trails for fall colors.  Maple trees are a favorite of mine with their bright red and orange but it's the golden leaves of the Aspen tree groves that make my heart sing...

Oh my.

Parenting is hard.  Wife-ing is hard (totally made that word up, but go with it).  These two things are so important to me.  They are things I feel like I can be really good at and feel proud about.  However, some days I totally fail.  I get easily irritated and push away my sweet husband for no good reason.  I lose my temper and yell at the girls or let my frustration show.  It never used to be a big deal for my frustration to come out, but now my tender hearted, sensitive girls can sense it and then they end up feeling bad.  Last night while struggling through some 5th grade math I didn't have my best mom moment.  I was trying to rush her through because we were on a time crunch.  We had dinner plans and then Matt and I were supposed to go out after.  Knowing the date would have to be put on hold if homework wasn't done and desperately craving that one on one time with him.  Looking at the problems and knowing how easy it was to solve 146 x 7 but the way they wanted her to do it made zero sense.  Googling it and still feeling like I was reading another language so not knowing how to help her.  Her frustrated to the point of tears and my impatience showing adding to her anguish.  Matt coming home and taking my frustration straight out on him.  Struggling to find our happy family rhythm so we could make it out the door.  Finally listening to the words he was saying and letting that voice of reason calm us all.  Allowing the time to ease the struggle away and finally seeing her smile and giggle and all of us relax.  Letting go and leaving the girls with grandparents so we could take the ever important time to ourselves, but coming home earlier enough to give her extra hugs and kisses before she drifted off to sleep.  Telling her tomorrow was a new day, a fresh start and a chance to handle things better.  Telling her this but knowing it was really for me.  I needed to remind myself that I didn't do my best but I can't go back and change it.  What I can do is admit I didn't handle things well, but tomorrow would be another chance.  A do-over.  The beauty of a new day.

This is a holiday that is so fun as a child, okay throughout the teen and twenties and then becomes awesome again when you have your own kids.  School age kids in particular.  They love, love, love the make believe-candy-creepy world of Halloween.  And, it is contagious.  We've been busy visiting the pumpkin patch, crafting costumes and planning our annual party with the family.  

It is the kick-off of the holiday trifecta.  Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas.  Let the fun begin.  

I wasn't sure what would come when I opened up a blank page on my computer today.  I had no intention of what I felt like writing about I just knew I needed to try.  I thought nothing would come out and I'm so happy it did.  It simply flowed and I am filled with the peace that comes when I get this outlet.  Sometimes you just have to start and let it go where it goes.  

Happy day to you.