Thursday, February 19, 2015

Ebb and Flow.

The holidays, the wonderful calm of January, my birthday and the fun of Valentine's have all come and gone.  We sit smack in the middle of winter, with spring still months away.  This is it.  The time of year where I feel myself settle into a funk.  Longing for the warmth of the summer months.  I know this year of all years, I shouldn't be feeling this.  It has been so nice here.  There isn't a drop of snow to be found, the sun has been shining and the temperatures unseasonably warm.  I didn't think the sadness of winter would hit me this year because of the crazy nice weather we've been having.  But, it has.  It hit early this week and despite the sunshine I can't seem to shake it completely.  I think what I'm missing is the color.  Everything is in full hibernation making the trees, grass and ground an ugly brownish grey.  The birds may be chirping, but the lack of greens and blues makes it harder to appreciate.  I am used to this funk I get in.  I know it will ebb and flow as we inch towards spring.  Some days I'll be cool with it and some will make me want to pack our bags and head towards the nearest ocean.  I went for a hike this morning to clear my head of all of this.  The fresh air, the push up the trail, the taking in the valley below when I reach the top takes away all trace of feeling low.  I choose to find the beauty that surrounds me rather than wishing I was anywhere but here.  As my breath settles after the hard hike up, I find peace.
I focus on the fact that spring is literally a hop, skip and a jump away.  I choose not to wish this time away, because by doing that I'm wishing away precious time with my little loves who are quickly approaching birthdays and someone will be turning double digits, which freaks me out like crazy.  

In all the grey, we will find the colors...
That means during a walk on a muddy trail through leafless trees you pause when you find a pink tunnel painted with rainbows, sunshine's and happy quotes.  It means you find the brightness in the grey...
You feel grateful for the bright blue sky that is almost always ever present despite the season.  

Gratitude.  Yes, this.  It is what always shifts my perspective.  I can sit around all day wishing maybe we had chosen a different place to settle down.  A place far away from my hometown.  A place where palm trees are as present as the pine trees are around here.  I can let those small feelings of regret creep in and turn into a bigger feeling of negativity. But, I always turn to gratitude.  How lucky we are to call this beautiful town our home.  How lucky we are to have a home, healthy children, good jobs and each other.  Just saying the word and taking a minute to think of all I'm grateful for and my entire mood shifts.  Regret melts into appreciation.  Longing turns into happiness for what is right in front of me.  Gratitude turns it all into enough.  

I know the ebb and flow is part of this life.  We simply cannot have the highs without the lows.  We wouldn't recognize the good without the bad.  Some days you're in a funk and this is perfectly fine.  I try to observe these moments without judgement.  I try to feel it, let it settle in for a bit because I know it will only be a brief stay.  A day of feeling funky will quickly be replaced with a happy day.  And truly, even on the lowest of days, happiness can be found everywhere...

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