Yesterday I went on a field trip with Layla's first grade class. I often try to participate in things like this while the kids are young and want their mom around. That should last right into senior year, right? On this particular trip I was struck by how much quicker this is approaching and how vastly different my girls are. One very much wanting her mama nearby and one wanting to fly her little social butterfly wings.
When I asked Layla if she wanted me to ride the bus or meet them at the museum I was told I could "Just meet them there". Oh, sad mama heart. Ava always begged me to ride the bus and sit right next to her. Luckily, one of Layla's friends piped up and said her mom was riding the bus therefore I was told I could also. When we got there she was a flurry of friends surrounding her. Little girls, giggling, holding hands, running ahead. I did get the occasional smile or hug from her, a reminder that I knew she was happy I was there. But not so much that she wanted to sit next to me during the planetarium show. No, she had two friends who wanted to sit by her. Thank goodness for a sweet little girl in her group that asked to sit by me in case she got scared. Someone needed me.
These moments give me a mixture of pride and sadness. Pride in having raised a girl with confidence and independence. Two things I so strongly want my girls to have. It truly goes to show you we are all wired differently. Aside from the normal ways you parent your first and second born differently, these two have had the same upbringing. Yet, they are night and day from one another. Even as a third grader, when I'm in Ava's class she wants to be right by my side. She also is flocked with giggling girls, but in a quieter way. It does make me sad, the not being needed as much. Each year, a little less. But, I do believe pride beats out the sadness. I want to see them flourish. Happy and confident. It feels like maybe we did something right. Like we give them enough love they know they can go out and try to conquer the world. Yes, proud mama beats out the quiet sadness I felt when my baby girl choose to sit with her friends on the bus rather than me.
Something that made me very happy this week. Yesterday on my way to pick up the girls from school I saw flowers. FLOWERS!!! Small purple ones pushing their way through the cold ground to make my day. Now, this morning on the same walk they looked a little sad after the frost from last night but I know they will recover as the sun warms up today. Nevertheless, I was thrilled to see my first flowers of spring. I felt this deserved celebration so that evening I put on flip flops and decided to cook outside. It makes me so happy.
It may not be totally here, but spring is coming people. It is coming.