By slowing down this week I've been able to remember to take in the little things. Happy, little things like...
Keeping with the food theme. Today for the first time I made an oreo pie. My mom makes this every year for my younger sisters birthday, but I have never done it. Talk about an easy dessert. I probably don't make it because I never have oreos. I prefer to bake our own cookies, but my mom showed up with a bag of Halloween oreos. I have to admit, there is something about dunking an oreo in milk, letting it get the perfect amount of soggy and drinking the milk dotted with crumbs when you are done. We did that with a few of them and I decided to do the pie with the rest. For fun, we added M&M's to the ice cream and drizzled chocolate syrup on top. I will be taking a slice to my sister to see if it passes the test. However I am not worried. It is ice cream, oreos, candy and chocolate...how could it go wrong?
-The end of my Bikram yoga class
Last month I signed up for thirty days of a hot yoga class. With the weather changing I can't do my usual running routine. I was searching for an early morning yoga class to replace one of my running days. I found a place that offered a 90-minute Bikram yoga class at the perfect time for my schedule. I've done lots of different types of yoga, including a hot yoga (not Bikram) so thought this would be fine. I was wrong. That first class I thought I was going to have an anxiety attack. The room was over 100-degrees and you were told to try to not leave. If you felt light headed or nauseous (totally normal "they" say) you were supposed to sit down, but not leave. Only take water when they tell you as to not to disrupt the energy of the room. This made me feel incredibly claustrophobic during that first class. However, I pushed through, concentrated on the teachers voice and at the end felt pretty good. Sweatier than I've ever been in my entire life, but pretty good. They recommend coming back within a couple days for the second class so I decided to do this. That second class was easier, the anxiety was gone and I was able to focus on the yoga part of it. I still was undecided if I liked it or hated it. Since I had committed to thirty days I decided I needed to keep it up. It is a love/hate thing for me. I've gone once a week and each time, I dread going there. Once there I love the first part...walking into a hot room after being in the cold morning air. The first 45 minutes I'm feeling good...pushing through poses, warm muscles loosening up. And, then I hit a wall and for about the next 30-minutes I really hate it. I feel sweaty and hot and I wonder what the heck I'm doing there. Then blissfully the last 15 minutes arrive and I feel like a rock start knowing I had pushed through 90-minutes of intense yoga and I leave feeling awesome. As soon as I leave the room I feel disgusting from all the sweat, but after a shower feel pretty good all day long. I am so conflicted about it. However, yesterday I got the email that my thirty days was expiring and I felt relief. I suppose that answers my feelings of conflict that it is not the right type of yoga for me. I'm going to squeeze one more class in just to make sure. Then I'll be on the hunt for a new class.
I know a lot of people don't like the time change and the days getting shorter, but I embrace it for all its coziness. It signals to me to stay inside with my family and be warm and together. To cook with candles and soft music on. It takes me back to my girls being babies. Both girls were born in the spring so the first summers of their lives were a newborn haze of diapers, feedings, sleepless nights and not a lot of cooking. Come fall they were out of that stage and I remember fondly the early dark evenings as being a really happy time. Especially with Ava. I would put a big blanket on the kitchen floor, sit her in the middle with some pots and pans, or one of her favorites...the bowl full of tea bags and she would play while I made dinner. It was dark outside, but warm in. I would turn music on, pour a glass of vino and start chopping. Ava would happily play and giggle. Even at the end of a long day home with a baby, this was a good time. I knew Matt would be home soon and I'd be able to have some adult conversation. I felt like I was getting a hang of the mama thing. Every year at Daylight Savings time, these feelings come back. Now as I'm cooking dinner during the early dark evenings the girls are usually sitting at the counter, working on homework or busy playing in their rooms. I still turn on some music, sip a glass of wine and cook. Feeling happy my girls are here and anxiously waiting for Matt to get home to join us. Yes, I enjoy this very much. And speaking of the counter where the girls do homework...when we first bought our house and put stools at the counter, I envisioned my future children eating snacks and doing homework right there. Maybe because I have so many happy memories from my own childhood of sitting on a stool at the kitchen counter...eating breakfast, doing homework, having snacks. To this day it is my favorite place in my parents house.
We have been reaching out to various hospitals to get some more opinions and help for my sister. This week they have heard from a couple with some possible appointments in her future. I know nothing is totally set yet and she still has a battle in front of her, but for the first time in awhile things feel hopeful. I know she needs this because I believe she has been feeling a bit hopeless lately. Fingers are being crossed and prayers are being sent up daily that this hope will turn into more. It is a start.
Happy day to ya.